Often in my work clients come to see that they are doing or thinking things unconsciously, i.e. without their own intention. What does it mean? The mechanics of the unconscious are quite complex but the meaning is simple: outside influences (parents, friends, society) are acting 'through us' without our involvement - and we have to suffer the consequences. This can cause serious issues, especially if the harmful behavior became habitual (e.g. arguing in our relationships). The solution is basically simple: "Where 'it' was, 'I' shall be" - it can but doesn't have to include the understanding what the outside influences are. But surely a more conscious behavior with healthy habits marks the right development.