What do we do when times are tough or when we messed up? I basically have three possibilities (1) to blame myself (2) to blame others (3) escapism, distractions, alcohol etc. None of them are wrong in themselves – only if there is a pattern it gets problematic: if I blame myself habitually, I must get depressed. If I blame others, I’ll treat them unfairly and get eventually isolated. If I habitually escape, I miss the chance to learn, get stuck and will have to deal with a similar issue some time later…
In my experience the healthy way to go is a sober assessment: ‘This is on me, that part is on them, that’s the situation – now what?’ To ruminate about the dead past is no use – instead I can keep my integrity and learn from the issue by acknowledging the past and moving on with a forgiving attitude, toward myself and the others involved. It’s not easy to move on, I probably have to forget about ‘But I was right!’, yet it’s the healthy thing to do.
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